Cast - Bill Cunningham, Sarah Jessica Parker

release Date - 2018

Mark Bozek

Audience Score - 37 vote

Genre - Documentary

Mark Bozek

Bill, the man who exists in a world full to extreme with Ego's. but without any himself. Piece of fluff and a cheap one too! Wanting discounts from market vendors when dressed in furs, Versace and homes in New York and Palm Springs. Gad knows what else. Despicable to me.

I love Bill Cunningham's fashion reports. His comments are also so witty. The first dude was so wrong. He made me mad. He seems dumb and all over the place. He shouldn't have done his woman like that. The fact that she's actually wearing prada just makes her even more iconic. I want a motorcycle jacket now. The times of bill cunningham watch movie cast. Some realy great shots here. I use the X100F as my EDC and sometimes my old Pana FZ. Both are great tools. I really like this guy! Such a down to the earth guy, I follow his stuff on the Times every week. I'd love to meet the guy and just talk with him about things. Where do I find this movie.

The Times of Bill Cunningham Watch movie reviews. Part 1: 1871-1899 Part 2: 1900-1919 Part 3: 1920-1929 Longer descriptions of criteria, etc. can be found mainly near the top of Part 1 and Part 3. I again was hoping this would be a brief introduction before I got to the names, but again it ended up fairly lengthy. I wanted to give a brief overview of regarding the Negro League info, then I have a short addition to my rant about BB-Ref's disappointing NLB section, then I'll get on with the names. If you find this part boring just skip to the names. Jimmy Outlaw is like a 10/10 on how cool a name can be. There are, theoretically, names which may be as cool, but it would be difficult-to-impossible, in my opinion, to even invent a cooler name. And other than shortening James to Jimmy, it is not a nickname. He was born James Outlaw. There's also a dude name Pee Wee Butts. So... 1920 was the first year of any Negro Major League. That's one thing Negro League historians agree on. There were professional leagues for decades before that but they were independent. Anyway, there are really only 2 criteria I'm using, other than me liking the name: The player needs to have appeared in at least on major league game, either on an MLB or NLB team to qualify. I'm not looking at players who only played in the minors. As far as their "official name in the record books, " for MLB players I'm using whatever BB-Ref calls them, and for Negro League Players I'm using whatever Seamheads calls them. Seamheads is very much a work in progress but the work they have done is incredible, not just amassing NLB stats which can be considered reliable (though still of course incomplete) but also calculating a lot of modern stats. And because I'm nowhere near familiar with the various average run productions across the various Negro Major Leagues, so the OPS+ and ERA+ stats are particularly invaluable markers since I have very little idea whether certain leagues tended towards high-scoring or low-scoring games in any of the various Negro Major Leagues. Seamheads is missing a lot of league-seasons (they only post a season when they have it fully researched to their satisfaction), so some Negro League players on the lists below are listed by (and linked to) their BB-Ref pages here. The two sites actually disagree relatively often about players' “official” names, with Seamheads tending more towards using nicknames as their official baseball name and BB-Ref tending to be more conservative and giving their real name as their "official" name. Sometimes it's the other way around though, and BB-Ref is far from conservative about using nicknames as “official” names for MLB players. I don't think Seamheads is being too liberal in their use of nicknames as official names. They certainly don't call every player by his nickname, and often list “unofficial” nicknames as BB-Ref does. Part 3 linked above has a bit more talk about Negro League stats since 1920, the varying amounts of missing data between different sources, conflicting or potentially inaccurate data (not just statistics but player profiles), and ongoing debates about league classification. Brief airing of grievances and some interesting info: Essentially all of the research used for the player stats and info on Seamheads, plus some of what BB-Ref uses as well, is credited to one person, Gary Ashwill. That's his badass blog with tons of interesting old pictures and everything else. He's deeply involved with Seamheads and I'm pretty sure it's where his continued research is (initially) published, but he doesn't run the site on a day to day basis. BB-Ref's league standings for Negro Major Leagues are mostly or entirely sources like Seamheads do give team records, and many many sources can tell you who won the Pennant in each league each season. BB-Ref for some odd reason does not seem to give this info, even on Pennant winners. There is and always will be a large amount of lost data on the Negro Leagues and its players, but the yearly league Pennants are not forgotten or debated – well actually sometimes they were debated but those debates occurred at the time (meaning, back in the 1920s and '30s) due to the sometimes complicated method by which the Pennant winner was decided in various leagues and seasons. But it is well-known who was declared the Pennant winner every year, and finding it involves little to no research beyond a google search. Wikipedia has all that stuff, BB-Ref doesn't. And I'm pretty sure that if BB-Ref was your only source you wouldn't know that the Colored World Series and Negro World Series were a thing at all. But in fact there were 11 seasons in which a World Series was held, first between the NNL and the ECL (Eastern Colored League) from 1924 through 1927, and later between the NNL and the NAL, from 1942 through 1948. They were NOT exhibition games - they were highly publicized and prestigious - and again it's trivially simple to look up detailed info on them. BB-Ref does not seem to make any mention of them anywhere on their site. I also find it deeply disappointing that BB-Ref does not have player photos on their Negro League player pages. Seamheads doesn't have every player's picture either, maybe even less than half of all players have a picture on their player page, but if a guy played more than a season or 2 it's pretty likely he'll have one. BB-Ref will seriously track down drawings of MLB players when there are no photographs, and that includes players who pitched like 1 game for the Cleveland Canaries in the National League in 1877... but even a super-famous Hall of Famer like Cool Papa Bell doesn't a picture on his player page, nor does any other Negro League player unless he later appeared in the White Major Leagues (commonly known as the Major Leagues, but before 1947 “WML” is frankly more accurate). With that fun introduction out of the way, here's some wacky and/or badass names from the 1930s! -- League Guide AL = American League (1901-present) EWL = East-West League (1932) NAL = Negro American League (1937-1950) NL = National League (1876-present) NNL = Negro National League (1920-1931; 1933-1948) NSL = Negro Southern League (1932) 1930-1932 Name Debut Position(s) Primary Team Full Name Luke Appling 1930 SS Chicago White Sox (AL) Lucius Benjamin Appling Belve Bean 1930 P Cleveland Indians (AL) Beveric Benton Bean Black Bottom Buford 1930 IF Nashville Elite Giants (NNL) James Buford Comer Cox 1930 Nashville Elite Giants (NNL) Comer Lane Cox Dizzy Dean 1930 P St. Louis Cardinals (NL) Jay Hanna Dean Howdy Groskloss 1930 2B Pittsburgh Pirates (NL) Howard Hoffman Groskloss Smead Jolley 1930 OF Boston Red Sox (AL) Smead Powell Jolley Monk Sherlock 1930 1B Philadelphia Phillies (NL) John Clinton Sherlock Rabbit Warstler 1930 SS, 2B Boston Bees (NL) Harold Burton Warstler Nish Williams 1930 C, OF Nashville Elite Giants (NNL) Vicinius J. Williams Biff Wysong 1930 P Cincinnati Reds (NL) Harlan Wysong Lefty Capers 1931 Louisville White Sox (NNL) unknown Howard Craghead 1931 P Cleveland Indians (AL) Howard Oliver Craghead Myril Hoag 1931 OF New York Yankees (AL) Myrill Oliver Hoag Nap Kloza 1931 OF St. Louis Browns (AL) John Clarence Kloza Van Mungo 1931 P Brooklyn Dodgers (NL) Van Lingle Mungo Urbane Pickering 1931 3B Boston Red Sox (AL) Urbane Henry Pickering Felton Snow 1931 3B, SS Baltimore Elite Giants (NNL) Felton Snow Half Pint Allen 1932 P Baltimore Black Sox (EWL) M. Allen Jabbo Andrews 1932 LF, CF Columbus Blue Birds (NNL) Herman Andrews Hipolito Arenas 1932 Louisville Black Caps (NSL) Hipolito Kanterra Arenas Sugar Cain 1932 P Philadelphia Athletics (AL) Merritt Patrick Cain Big Boy Davis 1932 Indianapolis ABCs (NSL) unknown Debs Garms 1932 OF, 3B Boston Bees (NL) Debs C. Garms Obie Lackey 1932 2B, SS Philadelphia Stars (NNL) Obie Ezekiel Lackey Rip Sewell 1932 P Pittsburgh Pirates (NL) Truett Banks Sewell Dick Terwilliger 1932 P St. Louis Cardinals (NL) Richard Martin Terwilliger Skeeter Webb 1932 SS, 2B Chicago White Sox (AL) James Laverne Webb Zollie Wright 1932 RF Baltimore Elite Giants (NNL) Zollie Coffer Wright Notes: A few of those names are pretty surprising in that they're not nicknames. I (obviously) love a lot of the ridiculous nicknames too, but Smead Jolley was seriously that guy's name. And Van Mungo wasn't short for anything, nor was Debs Garms. Rip Sewell is generally credited with inventing, or at least implementing the eephus pitch. That clip shows Kaz Tadano throwing a true eephus. For some reason MLB has taken to calling any ultra-slow pitch an eephus, like in this example from MLB's official account. The broadcasters even call that pitch an eephus. But they're wrong, and you should not believe them or buy into this watering down of the most unusual and uncommon pitch in baseball. The Kershaw pitch is just a super-slow curve-lob-thing. The defining feature of an eephus is that it's thrown with a ridiculously high arc. That's what makes an eephus an eephus. It's like a joke-pitch, but can actually be very successful. It's the ultimate mess-with-your-head pitch for the hitter, and hitters tend(ed) to overswing at it (I think it's extremely rare to see a true eephus throwin in the majors these days). Here's a great sequence of Steve Hamilton throwing a couple of his "Folly Floaters" back in the day. And here's the originator, Rip Sewell, talking briefly about the time he decided to throw an eephus to Ted Williams in the 1946 All-Star Game... after challenging/warning Williams before the game that he was gonna do it! Sewell is a really awesome sounding old man in that interview snippet and there's something really nostalgic and poignant when he recounts his conversation with Williams, and in it calls him “kid. ” You (or I) think of Williams as this iconic hitter, war veteran (he flew nearly 40 combat missions in Korea), and one of the greatest hitters ever, if not the single greatest. I almost forget that when he came up he was actually called The Kid, breaking into the league in 1939 at age 20 and finishing 4th in MVP votes his rookie year. Nobody has hit. 400 since Williams hit. 406 in his epic 1941 season, but I forget that he was just 22 at the time. Here's Ted Williams speaking very briefly about his recollection of that AB against Sewll. Note: Ted Williams faced 4 different pitchers including Sewell in that ASG, and he went 4 for 4 with two home runs and a walk. Hall of Fame: = Luke Appling Dizzy Dean 1933-1935 Name Debut Position(s) Primary Team Full Name Rainey Bibbs 1933 SS, 2B Kansas City Monarchs (NAL) Junius Alexander Bibbs Spoon Carter 1933 P Philadelphia Stars (NNL) Ernest C. Carter Gowell Claset 1933 P Philadelphia Athletics (AL) Gowell Sylvester Claset Mem Lovett 1933 PH Chicago White Sox (AL) Merritt Marwood Lovett Red Nonnenkamp 1933 OF Boston Red Sox (AL) Leo William Nonnenkamp Schoolboy Rowe 1933 P Detroit Tigers (AL) Lynwood Thomas Rowe Swan 1933 SS Akron Grays (NNL) unknown Townsend Tapley 1933 SS Akron Grays (NNL) Townsend Tapley Zeke Bonura 1934 1B Chicago White Sox (AL) Henry John Bonura Frenchy Bordagaray 1934 OF, 3B Brooklyn Dodgers (NL) Stanley George Bordagaray Subby Byas 1934 C, SS Chicago American Giants (NAL) Richard Byas Monchile Concepción 1934 OF, P Philadelphia Bacharach Giants (NNL) Ramón Concepción Little Hack Cunningham 1934 CF Baltimore Black Sox (NNL) L. Cunningham Jelly Jackson 1934 SS Homestead Grays (NNL) Norman Jackson Busta Quintana 1934 2B Newark Dodgers (NNL) Rafael Quintana(? ) Sleeky Reese 1934 P Cleveland Red Sox (NNL) James Reese Steamboat Struss 1934 P Pittsburgh Pirates (NL) Clarence Herbert Struss Icehouse Wilson 1934 PH Detroit Tigers (AL) George Peacock Wilson Nub Kleinke 1935 P St. Louis Cardinals (NL) Norbert George Kleinke Bancy Thomas 1935 P Chicago American Giants (NNL) Walter Thomas George Washington 1935 RF Chicago White Sox (AL) Sloan Vernon Washington Notes: = Some Negro League players who played for just a short time are only known by their last name. Sometimes I've found another source which offers a first name to go with it, but Swan is known simply as Swan by two non-redundant sources. His first name is lost to history. Busta Quintana and Lil Stoner were frequent musical collaborators, and were about five decades ahead of their time artistically! There are unfortunately no surviving recordings of them but there are contemporary newspaper accounts. Perhaps the reason none of their recordings survived is because their music was simply too far ahead of its time, leaving critics and audiences largely unimpressed, as seen in this quote from the Newark Gazette, November 14, 1937:.. displayed both her technical and emotive skills on the harpsichord. The next performers to take the stage were an odd trio indeed: Retired baseballers Lil Stoner and Busta Quintana gave a vocal performance which was described in the brochure as a “free styled rapp battle. ” One cannot deny their skill in speaking very quickly, but perhaps they ought consider the field of auctioneering rather than entertaining. Their performance was neither poetic nor musical; it might best be described as watching two men having a loud argument whose subject, in the few moments it was at all comprehensible, was insipid at best. Their musical accompaniment – although such noises might hardly be called “music” - was provided by the great Negro League slugger Biz Mackey who played a tremendously small percussive instrument the likes of which this author has never before seen or heard, nor does he wish to again. During a break in the “rapp battle, ” Mackey informed the audience that his instrument was something called a “Beat Box”, though he coyly declined a request to illustrate how this unique instrument was operated. In this author's opinion, these men would do well to focus on baseball or frankly anything other than their un-entertaining “musical” performances. = If you're curious if there's any truth to any of that, I have a bridge to sell you. 1936-1939 Name Debut Position(s) Primary Team Full Name Johnny Dickshot 1936 LF Chicago White Sox (AL) John Oscar Dickshot Fabian Gaffke 1936 OF Boston Red Sox (AL) Fabian Sebastian Gaffke Sig Jakucki 1936 P St. Louis Browns (AL) Sigmund Jakucki Henry McHenry 1936 P Philadelphia Stars (NNL) Henry Lloyd McHenry Jennings Poindexter 1936 P Philadelphia Phillies (NL) Chester Jennings Poindexter Theolic Smith 1936 P Pittsburgh Crawfords (NNL) Theolic Smith Bud Barbee 1937 P New York Black Yankees (NNL) John Quincy Adams Barbee Jimmy Bloodworth 1937 2B Washington Senators (AL) James Henry Bloodworth Gibby Brack 1937 OF Philadelphia Phillies (NL) Gilbert Herman Brack Spud Chandler 1937 P New York Yankees (AL) Spurgeon Ferdinand Chandler Eli Chism 1937 Birmingham Black Barons NAL) Elisha Chism Red House 1937 Detroit Stars (NAL) Charles Barner House Jimmy Outlaw 1937 OF, 3B Detroit Tigers (AL) James Paulus Outlaw Boots Poffenberger 1937 P Detroit Tigers (AL) Cletus Elwood Poffenberger Creepy Crespi 1938 2B St. Louis Cardinals (NL) Frank Angelo Joseph Crespi Honey Green 1938 P, LF Newark Eagles (NNL) unknown Telosh Howard 1938 P Atlanta Black Crackers (NAL) Telosh Howard Preacher Roe 1938 P Brooklyn Dodgers (NL) Elwin Charles Roe Enos Slaughter 1938 RF St. Louis Cardinals (NL) Enos Bradsher Slaughter Coaker Triplett 1938 LF Philadelphia Phillies (NL) Herman Coaker Triplett Fuzzy Walton 1938 CF Pittsburgh Crawfords (NNL) Frank Walton(? ) Pee Wee Butts 1939 SS Baltimore Elite Giants (NNL) Thomas Lee Butts Al Glossop 1939 2B Philadelphia Phillies (NL) Alban Glossop Purnell Mincy 1939 P New York Black Yankees (NNL) Purnell Cecil Mincy Eudie Napier 1939 C Homestead Grays (NNL) Euthumn Napier Oad Swigart 1939 P Pittsburgh Pirates (NL) Oadis Vaughn Swigart Dizzy Trout 1939 P Detroit Tigers (AL) Paul Howard Trout Notes: There's the man himself, Johnny Dickshot. Note that “Full Name” is not always the same as their birth name. I believe it does refer to their legal adult name though. Jimmy Outlaw is one of the most badass names I've ever heard in any context. I mean it sounds like such a fake name. In a movie you wouldn't believe it. But apparently he really was born James Outlaw so he's really, legitimately, Jimmy Outlaw. If I met a person named Jimmy Outlaw I would be inconsolably disappointed if he didn't ride a motorcycle. Pee Wee Butts is, so far, perhaps the most embarrassing name in major league history ( Tony Suck, who played briefly in the 19th century, is also in the running). I've glanced at Butts' name probably a dozen times while putting this together cuz it's a name that just draws your attention to it, and it's still as ridiculous as it was the first time I saw it. Spud Chandler's real first name is apparently "Spurgeon, " which I never would have guessed because I have never heard that name before. I also completely love the name Theolic Smith. Theolic. It's outstanding. He's also just about the only person ever named Theolic according to google, because when I run a search for just his first name, he's all of the results. And he was not a big star where we might expect that. Not at all. He was a mediocre-to-poor pitcher for a few years in the late 1930s in the Negro Leagues. He is not a well-known figure in sports history. Interesting note: His rookie season in 1936, when he posted a terrible 6. 28 ERA for the Pennant-winning Pittsburgh Crawfords, he also happened to find himself on a team with an absurd number of future Hall of Famers. Players in the Negro Leagues jumped from team to team and league to league a lot between seasons, and teams also frequently jumped leagues, and also folded fairly regularly, sometimes got resurrected in a new major league, etc. This seems especially true in the 1930s (the Great Depression put a huge economic strain on the Negro Leagues). Anyway, the 1936 Crawfords had SEVEN future HOFers on the team. Financially successful teams would sometimes stack themselves (there was certainly no reserve clause), but 7 future HOFers on one team is it's even more insane when you realize that there are only 30 total Negro League players in the Hall of Fame! Almost 1/4 of them played on the '36 Crawfords: Cool Papa Bell, Bill Foster, Josh Gibson, Judy Johnson, Satchel Paige, Jud Wilson, and player/manager Oscar Charleston, still crushing the ball at age 40. Despite how stacked this team was, the league was still very competitive league that year. The Crawfords did win the NNL Pennant but with a record of 42-30-2; it's not like they went 62-10 or something. Any fans of The Wire? I can't look at Fuzzy Walton's name without thinking of Fuzzy Dunlop, one of the funniest little subplots in the whole show. = Hall of Fame: Enos Slaughter "Enos Slaughter" was apparently his real name too, and not a nickname or abbreviated name. I'm not sure what Enos would even be short for, but by that token if somebody had asked me a few days ago what the name “Eudie” was short for, “Euthumn” would not have been anywhere in my guessing range. Personal Favorites: Jimmy Bloodworth Lefty Capers Monchile Concepción Creepy Crespi Johnny Dickshot Jelly Jackson Smead Jolley Mem Lovett Jimmy Outlaw Theolic Smith Swan EDIT: I accidentally had Henry McHenry in there twice. He should probably be on my list of personal favorites too, it's a memorably silly name.

Wonderful to hear your thoughts on Bill Cunningham, Thank you. I,m so excited fir this I actually got goosebumps. Can't wait to see this. The times of bill cunningham watch movie release. It's time once again for another end-of-year roundup, when we pause, look back at the church's activities of the past year, and -- in awe at the marvelous work and wonder of it all -- wish we were drinking actual Roundup. Yes, it really is that bad. Like watching a slow-motion handcart wreck, we were horrified but unable to look away, so now it is up to us to record the fruits of their labors. Like Mormonism itself, the following is a mix of fact, fiction, “speaking as a man” personal opinion, and creative liberties with the truth. And just like Mormonism, I don’t bother to tell you which is which. January Two days into the new year, Monson fulfills his New Year's resolution not to further destroy the church and exits for the giant mall in the sky. He is stopped short at the pearly gates, however, when informed that God prohibits anyone who can wiggle their ears from entering, because Monson’s God is a capricious jerk who likes to punish his children for arbitrary things like that. 200, 000 TBMs sign an online petition demanding the New York Times retract its obituary of Monson because the factual examination of Monson’s presidency isn't as fawning as they would like. The petition demands the Times rewrite the obituary and suggests the writer pick up the Pearl of Great Price for tips on writing a fictitious, but faith-promoting, biographical narrative. New CEO Nelson blitzkriegs the popular Uchtdorf from the First Presidency, sending shockwaves through the church. To mollify members, Nelson announced Uchtdorf was being given a special assignment -- the human equivalent of your parents announcing your dog was going to live on a farm. Determined not to appear feeble at 93 years old, Nelson demonstrates remarkable mental acuity at his inaugural press conference by reciting from memory Peggy Fletcher Stack’s entire four-generation pedigree chart when the Salt Lake Tribune reporter asks him a question. Even more impressive: when Avi Goldstein of the Jerusalem Post asks a question, Nelson recites the posthumous temple ordinance dates for all of Goldstein's relatives killed in the Holocaust. February In his first major address as CEO, Nelson claims "Satan tempts us to eat things we should not eat, to drink things we should not drink, and to love as we should not love”, thus elevating Satan in Mormon theology to the god of chocolate, cappuccinos, and authentic romantic relationships. Afterward, a concerned Pres. Newsroom was heard whispering in Nelson's ear, urgently reminding him that his job was to build a case for following the other guy. Prudently preparing for the fulfillment of Holland's prophecy of 100, 000 missionaries in the field by 2019, TSCC announces the closure of two MTCs and multiple church missions -- suspiciously similar to my financial plan to become a millionaire by racking up credit card debt and living paycheck to paycheck. TSCC -- which repeatedly insists it only gets involved in politics to speak out on moral issues -- suddenly discovers that audio recordings are a moral issue when, in a totally not self-serving move, the church publicly backs a bill to make Utah a two-party consent state for recording conversations. TSCC voices support for the bill only because they think this is important to your eternal salvation and not at all because they are sitting on a damning audio recording about to blow up in their face... March Hundreds of supporters walk in Sam Young's Protect the Children march to Temple Square, where they are met by a church PR rep who -- grasping the import of the issue at hand -- quickly moves to protect vulnerable... church property. The PR rep sternly warns Bishop Young not to touch the church office building, ironically fulfilling one of the march's main aims of preventing bishops from touching things. MormonLeaks forever silences critics who claimed the site would never leak anything of significance when it releases the mother of all leaks: an audio recording of a former Provo MTC president admitting to having a rape room in the basement of the MTC where he sexually abused vulnerable sister missionaries. You know, if any MTC needed closing, you'd think it would be the one defiled by having a basement rape room, but Mormon God is too busy right now with a rebranding campaign to worry about the sanctity of dedicated church property. April On Easter Sunday, members are treated to an incredibly moving Easter message at conference: announcement of a corporate reorg that renames an existing program and combines two men's study groups into one. This is considered very high revelation by church standards, where every mundane policy change is labeled a revelation: a trend started two years ago -- in what must surely be an incredible coincidence -- by the same guy now being heaped with praise for announcing minor policy changes. Cognizant of Benson's stern warnings against pride, TSCC resists the temptation to boast of its astounding growth during conference and announces it will now begin hiding the annual statistical report on its website, just as it hid the church essays. In response, TBMs express widespread puzzlement at the mention of any online church essays. New CEO Nelson -- whose church salary exceeds the combined average annual income of more than 60 Kenyan households -- visits Africa and tells impoverished Kenyan members that paying tithing is the only way to break the multi-generational poverty cycle. In response, even Elder Arnold Cunningham said the lies to the African converts had gone too far. Yet another mission president scandal erupts when news breaks that Philander Smartt -- a mission president whose first name is considerably more accurate than his last -- was engaging in sexual activity with sister missionaries in his mission. But using the same skills they apply to critical analysis of the Book of Mormon, TBMs continue to insist the Joseph Bishop story is false because mission presidents would never do something like that. May After previously dropping Scouting for older boys, TSCC announces it is now ditching the Boy Scout program entirely. While some parents expressed concern their sons would not learn the same skills from the church's watered-down replacement program, Pres. Newsroom reassured parents their sons would have plenty of opportunity to "pitch a tent" once they became bishops and got to question teenage girls about their masturbation habits. In the midst of a drought, TBMs' fervent prayers for "moisture" are amply rewarded when 80, 000 exmos collectively wet themselves over a blockbuster financial leak when MormonLeaks reveals TSCC owns stock investments worth $32 billion -- only part of the church's total tithing reserve fund. When reached for comment, Elder Cook refused to confirm the amount but stated that he personally was committed to stealing a couple hospitals for the church to push that number even higher. TBMs rejoice when the church issues a formal apology for past racism but the ecstatic feelings are short-lived when the apology is revealed to be fake -- thus placing the apology in jeopardy of being canonized like the Book of Abraham. June At a worldwide youth fireside, CEO Nelson inexplicably requests youth take a 7-day "fast" from social media. When asked the reason behind the unusual request, Pres. Newsroom shrugged it off, saying Nelson had misplaced his phone and hastily called for the fast so as not to miss any instagrams from his youth bffs. TSCC hosts a celebration at the conference center to commemorate the 1978 "revelation" on the priesthood. When questioned on the significance of the event, Pres. Newsroom proudly announced it marks the day 40 years ago when the church stopped treating black members like second-class citizens and instead turned to treating LGBT members like shit. July Dan Reynolds' *Believer* premiers on HBO, showcasing TSCC's anti-LGBT stance and Reynolds' personal journey to overcome past indoctrination to become an LGBT ally. In response; 200, 000 TBMs sign an online petition demanding HBO retract the documentary and re-release it in a more faithful slant, starring Donny Osmond in the lead role. A Utah mother has her temple recommend yanked for endangering the church's $12 million investment in General Mills when she thoughtlessly feeds her baby breast milk in church rather than the TSCC-approved Cheerios. A month after the church's phony social media "fast", Sam Young begins a real fast: a 23-day hunger strike protesting the dangerous practice of one-on-one youth interviews. Young invites each of the Q15 in turn to be his guest for an evening, and -- in a clear sign of divine favor -- receives the exact same number of visitors as Joseph did at the first vision. August In a rare moment of commonality with r/exmormon, Nelson announces that God no longer wants him to be a Mormon and doesn't want you to be one either. After hastily deleting their "I'm a Mormon" profile, unsubscribing from the Mormon Channel, and throwing away their "Meet the Mormons" DVD, Mormon Doctrine book, and Mormon Tabernacle Choir CDs, TBMs immediately get to work being offended that anyone would dare call them a Mormon. TSCC -- which repeatedly insists it only gets involved in politics to speak out on moral issues -- suddenly discovers that pain management and chronic disease treatment are moral issues when it speaks out against Utah's medical marijuana ballot initiative and spams church members' email telling them to vote against Prop 2. Pres. Newsroom announced an overwhelming response to the email, but sheepishly acknowledged a high percentage of responses were sign-up requests from members eager to get in on the ground floor of this amazing new herbal supplement MLM. September McKenna Denson -- one of the missionaries sexually assaulted by Joseph Bishop in the MTC -- shares her personal truth during open mic meeting in Joseph Bishop's home ward. Priesthood leaders listen sympathetically to her story and honor their baptismal covenant to comfort those who stand in need of comfort, lamenting with Denson the traumatic abuse she suffered as a young missionary, made all the worse by years of ecclesiastical injustice. Ha ha! No. Priesthood men scramble faster than deacons after the last doughnut to physically seize Denson and cast her from their midst. Ministering: you just might be f%cking this one up, too. TSCC grumbles it really does not like that Sam I Am and excommunicates Sam Young as a chilling example to others that if they dare speak up to protect children, they, too, will be forced to wear comfortable underwear and take home an 11 percent raise. Besieged by critics on all sides, the church finds it still has a few supporters when the American Gaslighting Association awards Cook a distinction of merit in recognition of the master class on gaslighting he delivered during a Face2Face broadcast from Nauvoo. The association made special note of Cook's ability to verbally make love to the church's polygamous founders while simultaneously diminishing the principle of polygamy they fervently taught. Claiming polygamy was never a requirement for salvation, Cook tells the youth to accept the explanations of current church leaders on this stuff and not bother worrying about commandments brought directly from God by sword-wielding angels threatening non-consensual afterlife visits. October Nelson stuns Mormondom by announcing he is renaming the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, a venerable brand that has stood for more than 150 years: longer than Coca Cola, General Electric, or -- shockingly -- Nelson himself. Explaining it is imperative to reach a younger demographic, Nelson renames the choir "The BeyonceEdSheeranTaylorSwift Choir at Apple Squarespace". At the first-ever Saturday night women's session of conference, the First Presidency takes special pains to welcome the sisters and ensure they feel respected and included as part of the official conference weekend. Oaks uses the historic session to chastise women for working outside the home, not marrying fast enough, and not popping out enough babies, leaving disappointed father-figure Nelson no choice but to give women a 10-day timeout from their phones as punishment. And from all priesthood brethren: Welcome to Saturday night conference sessions, sisters! Where if you don't leave feeling guilty, you definitely ought to feel guilty about not feeling guilty. At general conference, Nelson declares that anyone who uses the word Mormon is offending God and racking up major victories for Satan -- news which, while shocking to some, frankly comes as no surprise to anyone who has spent five minutes on the FairMormon web site. In a surprising new trend, TBMs begin cutting off a third of their steak at dinner and throwing it away, because when something is that good you naturally want quite a bit less of it. November Despite TSCC's all-out campaign against Utah's Prop 2, the ballot initiative passes, making the church 0-for-2 in campaigning against social issues this decade, or about as successful as their ongoing campaign against truth on the Internet. With double-digit growth happening every single week, r/exmormon hits 100, 000 subscribers -- ironically fulfilling Holland's prophecy of 100, 000 people worldwide committed to sharing the truth about the church. December The first presidency Christmas devotional takes an unusual turn when Oaks pauses mid-talk and suddenly bellows out that males wearing tights is unnatural, accuses Santa's elves of being confirmed homosexuals, and calls for a legal ban on elves in any toy-building, candy-making, or cookie-baking function. Later, CEO Nelson announces that -- because he just can't help himself -- he is renaming the First Presidency Christmas Devotional to the "First Presidency of the Church of JESUS Christ of Latter-day Saints JESUSChristmas Devotional". Using the old parenting trick of "If you complain about having to clean your bedroom I'll make you clean the bathroom too", TSCC responds to Sam Young's protect the children movement by announcing it has changed the policy on youth worthiness interviews: now youth of an even younger age will be subjected to one-on-one worthiness interviews. Commenting on the change, Pres. Newsroom asked if anyone would now like to complain about 10 percent tithing. After multiple sexual abuse scandals, documented cases of the church covering up sexual abuse, and the controversial excommunication of two respected bishops; 200, 000 angry TBMs rush online to sign yet another petition: to demand that a movie change its promotional poster. While the offending poster is surprisingly fully compliant with Mormon modesty standards, TBMs are upset that Deadpool -- a violent character with only a few dozen kills to his name -- has taken the place of Jesus -- a violent character about to rack up a few billion kills and then torch the whole earth for good measure. And as the new year approaches, 100, 000 exmos make strict New Year's resolutions for diet and exercise, because while the popcorn is absolutely delicious to the taste, consuming it in such vast quantities is taking a severe toll on our health. Happy New Year, exmos, and do remember to eat your vitamins. Looks like the good doctor has prescribed an even bigger dose of crazy for 2019. EDIT: First, thanks to those who awarded gold and thanks to everyone for the comments. My reward is seeing people enjoy the post and seeing which parts you liked best. There are several comments about things I missed. Believe me, it pains me that I have to cut stuff out. It is a testament to just how crazy things are in the church that I have to cut a ton of material for brevity's sake. Off the top of my head, here are things I cut: Rob Porter resigning from the White House because of domestic abuse (his wives said their bishops told them to stay with him despite the abuse), the former mission and temple president found to have used his own sperm to inseminate patients at his fertility clinic, TSCC adding some diversity to the Q12, "Stop protecting sexual predators" yelled out at conference, BYU-I expels a woman for being raped just two years after this blew up big time for BYU Provo, the Kirton McConkie files on abuse cases, Cook calling rape "non-consensual immorality", Russell Nelson sought as a witness in a trial involving sexual abuse within his family, sister missionaries wearing pants, announcement of the closure of a third MTC, Bill Reel's excommunication proceedings and the high council comment on integrity, New Name Noah getting arrested on temple grounds, Oaks' homophobic talk at Oct. conference, Nelson saying the church was fully restored then claiming later it wasn't, etc. This post could easily be twice as long (except for the reddit character limit). It's almost frightening that in a post this long I only hit the highlights of the insanity.

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Coauthor: Drew Wallner

Biography: I am Jack's serially abbreviated blather.